I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
