Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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