i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
