Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
