Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
