didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
