theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
