; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
