Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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