girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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