my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
