Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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