He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
