My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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