i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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