Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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