why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
