with your own penis?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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