I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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