Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
