I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
