our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
