I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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