My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
