Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
