next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
