Where did you get a picture of my penis
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
