Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
