New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
