Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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