if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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