if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
