Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
