its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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