woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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