They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
