nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
