He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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