i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
