I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Never underestimate the power of titties
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
