Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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