Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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