hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will be naked everywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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