I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
