What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
