You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
