I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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