the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
