but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
