What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
